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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Enraged protesters were marching through D.C. toppling racist statues when they came upon one standing on a street corner. The archaic, racist statue looked very, very old. It even had some kind of obsolete soundbite-playing device in it, probably an early phonograph from how old the statue looked. It kept saying things about black people being clean and articulate and how poor kids are just as bright as white kids.

The rioters threw a lasso around the top of the statue after googling “How to tie a lasso” and arguing for a while about how lassos are racist. They then brought it tumbling down after graffitiing all over it.

Unfortunately, the old, racist statue turned out to be former vice president and current presidential candidate Joe Biden.

“Classic pranksters,” Biden said, chuckling, as he dusted himself off. “You know, this happens from time to time. Back in my day, we were out at the community pool, hanging out and throwing rocks at each other, as was the fashion at the time. CornPop and I were dishing it out and running our fingers through our leg hairs when…” As he continued to drone on, though, another racist group came up and toppled him the other way.

Eventually the rioters had had their fun and moved on, knocking over Nancy Pelosi and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, mistaking both of them for ancient statues.

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