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Attorney General Bill Barr is not someone to be trifled with, and it looks like former President and lead suspect Barack Obama is itching to learn that lesson the hard way.

It’s Day Three of the Obamagate trial taking place at the Joe Barron Courthouse in Washington, D.C., and the stage was set for an appearance by lead accused suspect Barack Obama and his legal defense team.  You probably haven’t heard anything at all about it since the usual liberal media outlets are refusing to cover it, both Fox and OAN are suffering through massive infestations of diarrheal syphilis and have entire staffs quarantined in iced-tomato juice baths, and Mark Zuckerberg won’t allow it on Facebook because George Soros told him not to and gave him a diamond-covered pocket protector.

Obamagate, as everyone knows, concerns Obama using FISA dossiers in top secret emails on a private server that he whitewashed and then bleached, sending them through the Ukraine in exchange for secret hair plug cameras to spy on impeached President Trump and something something chemtrails coffee cup salute terrorist fist bump.

Instead of appearing for his fictional hearing, reporters revealed that the Hawaiin Kenyan called the court’s answering service and left the following message :

“Hi everyone.  Bill.  Bill’s chins.  Try Gowdy and whatever other shitty ass lawyers he might have dragged in.  Mike Pompeo, much love, next-to-be-fired.  Anyway, I know you kids wanted to play dress up and let all of Trump’s fans at least come close to their first orgasms, but I’m taking the fam to Dave and Buster’s.  Much better use of my time.  Got masks on, unlike the disease-garglers at your fat boy’s little klanbake, amiright?  Nice job with that.  Okay, smell ya later.  Dickheads.”

Barr has threatened to call his big brother on the ex-president and loudly shat himself upon hearing the recording, which was followed by laughter and seventeen full seconds of farting sounds.  But you can be sure the AG isn’t going to just take that.  He’ll be sure to invent something else to protect his pet moron.


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